Unresolved Issues

I'm avoiding my father. I know its wrong, but I cant help it.Sometimes it hurts too much for me. Talking to him. Being around him. Listening to him talk about my brothers. Noticing that he's obviously depressed. It hurts. It's not fair. Perhaps it will never be fair. Eight years. Eight years of his absence. No calls, no letters, no birthday cards. Nothing. He's making up for lost times now, but I don't think it will ever be good enough. I thought it would be, I was hoping it would be. I'm old enough now not to care or need a father. Old enough to put it all behind me, but he cant seem to get the idea.
I was content for a moment. I felt like it was all falling into place. All I cared about was spending time with him and having him around finally. And that's it, "finally."There should be no "finally".And no " I love yous." It shouldn't hurt to hear your father say "I love you," but it does. If he had loved me he wouldn't have missed those eight years. Yet, what hurts the most is when he calls me to tell me he misses my little brother.That he's fifteen now.
Then it occurred to me that he wasn't calling me because he wanted to talk to me and express his love;it was that he had no on else to call and I'm the only child he can speak to. He called me because he couldn't speak to my brother. Even if the whole situation might have caused him to appreciate who he does have, it doesn't help much. It doesn't make it better or less hurtful.
The simple fact is he's fighting for them, but he never fought for me. He gave up on me. He gave up.